11.09.2016

there isn't enough wine today.

while drinking wine and checking poll updates every half an hour or so last night, i went to bed with a feeling of confidence that i would wake up to one of the most monumental days in history; we would be lead into the future with our first female president. the sun would shine and my friends and i would cheer in the break room at work and we would all clink our coffee cups together in excitement. but as most of the closest people in my life can agree, we woke up in disappointment. i rolled over at 6 am, took a look at my phone with one eye open and just sobbed. i cried because i'm embarrassed. i cried because i wish i had been dreaming. i cried because i couldn't believe that what i thought was the impossible actually happened and i'm terrified. i can't imagine living somewhere that is run by someone that doesn't believe in the rights of all of his people and i'm still in disbelief hours later. 
while smoking cigarettes and chugging coffee to stay awake at work, we all talked about it.  we huddled in little groups outside in our sweaters and coats and tried to make light of the situation. my cubicle buzzed all day with fellow people in disbelief over the outcome from last night and we tried to joke as much as we could to make ourselves feel better. it's almost laugh worthy that moments after Donald Trump was announced as our President, the Canadian Immigration website crashed. it's always comedic that a reality tv star is now our leader. but in reality, it's not funny. none of it is funny and i'm heartbroken to think about the future. i'm sad to see the hate people have thrown toward one another for months and i fear that it won't end any time soon. i fear for the gay couples that constantly hope their rights aren't taken away. i fear for the scared, pregnant woman that might not have access to an abortion when she needs one. i'm scared for my nieces to live on land protected by a man that has harassed women.  it's a broad statement, but fuck, right now i fear for anyone that isn't a straight, white male.
while i'm proud and lucky to live somewhere that allows for the people to decide on choice like this, i question other's logic for how they chose our leader. i wonder if they have daughters that they fear for or if they have ever worried about losing their basic human rights. i wonder if they've ever relied on the cheapest health care provided to get the medication they need to survive. statements like "everyone needs to get over it" are coming from people that i don't think realize how lucky they are to be ignorant and not have to care about certain advantages that they have everyday.  it's been a 12 hours filled with unfriending people that have continuously spewed hatred to others because i simply can't stand it. i don't expect everyone to share my views- that's what America is all about- but i don't hesitate to cut people out of my life that are filled with hate.
all of that being said, the only thing we can do from here is move forward. i hope i'm wrong about everything. i hope years from now, i can look back on this post and think to myself  man, i don't know what i was so worried about. things are OK. i hope that Donald Trump proves me wrong once all of this dust settles on our nation and he can start to do the job that he fought to have. All we can do is hope. 
“The worst thing that can happen in a democracy, as well as in an individual’s life, is to become cynical about the future and lose hope.”
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