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if i were CEO, We'd all be taking naps

Posted on: 9.26.2016

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it's a rainy stormy Monday over here and all i can do is look out my office window and stare at these big delicious raindrops falling and wishing i were home in bed and napping my life away. i hope that the rain sticks around until i'm home back in bed. is that weird? because as of lately, whether it's my new job schedule or whatever, all i can think about is sleep when i'm not at work. i have many of thoughts on sleepy things. and all the inner workings of what makes me sleep best and what ruins my night and here's a few of my brain's opinions on the matter. 

       there are a few tried and true deal breakers in a relationship: disagreements on how to raise a kid, being cheated on, and if they prefer the grossest of all condiments, grape jelly.  But if you ask me- which no one does, but that's the fun of a blog so i'm able to voice my opinion no matter what- there's nothing more sad than meeting someone great and realizing you have very different sleeping habits. agree with me here- you can get a good idea of how compatible two people are based on their bedroom life, and I don't mean the sex. i mean whether or not they are morning people, if they snore loudly or if they get up too many damn times in the middle of the night to pee. The last guy i dated told me that he knew he liked me when I got out of bed at 4 am, went and heated up a styrofoam box of leftovers and ate them in bed naked. It was genuine and easy and comfortable and he loved it. Little did he know that, even though he found this adorable, he would soon learn just how incompatible we were when it came to sleeping. He loved tucking in his sheets tight and basically sleeping like the inner workings of a burrito. I like having both legs out from the covers and usually my butt, too. I fall asleep to my Netflix going and sometime between falling asleep and waking up, it turns itself off. Used to, I needed dead silence or the sounds of a fan to sleep. 

      Within my bed, at all times of the night, lives a 60 pound dog, a half full crushed box of cigarettes, maybe a bra, a vibrator, my cell phone and a 3 foot long phone charger cord, 5 pillows and probably a damp towel from the shower. How I can sleep in this chaos, I don't know. oh, and my dog usually sleeps between my legs so i sleep with my legs bowed out while i lay on my back. also I love to eat in bed so there's usually a crumb or seventy from an abandoned bag of Tostitos. Some would throw me out because of it but that is why I am the Queen of my King size bed. and there's nothing like a good crisp set of bleach white sheets fresh out of the dryer to make you sleep like the dead all night, but that is a project that i have to plan days in advance to make happen. what else... well...period sheets are a thing and they're necessary. did i really need to mention that? eh. we'll just leave that one alone. ladies, unite! and on the topic of sheets, i should mention that, as we all know, i thrift for everything and believe generic is the way to go with most purchases in my life. but i will sit on pins and needles in anticipation when i order a fresh new set of sheets online and wait for them to arrive. and i'll never leave my bed once they're finally on my mattress. you remember how the grandparents on Willy Wonka never left the bed? i would like to believe that it was because they got new sheets on the mattress and i can respect that. 

       and it's totally against any and all Feng Shui books, but i keep my bed up against the window so I can wake up in the middle of a storm and, with my eyes still closed and still being half asleep, i can easily reach up and open my window and let that sound pour in alllll night. Because storms. And sleep. Go hand in hand. and few things in the world compare to afternoon thunderstorm naps with a fresh $5 TJ Maxx candle making your life smell like a dream while you slumber. and since we're on the topic of getting the yummiest kinds of sleep sessions: there are two types of cuddly sleepers: people that say they like it and people that tell the truth. It's hot and you're breathing in my ear and pleeeease get back on your side. I love you, and I'll happily throw a leg over you and steal a kiss during reruns of the office but when the lights go out, peace out lights out. 

a recipe: chili & toasted peanut butter sandwich. no, seriously.

Posted on: 9.23.2016

isn't it wild when you think something is a totally normal meal that everyone knows about but then other people tell you they have never heard of the combo before? ohhh how i love that. i enjoy it so much when i can introduce someone to a magical meal that will change their life forever. and as a mid-western girl, nothing quite illustrates this as much as a big fat bowl of chili with a toasted peanut butter sandwich. growing up, i always ate my chili with a toasted peanut butter sandwich. my mom would put it in front of me and it was perfect for fall and winter dinners. don't ask me to explain how the flavors work, but they are fireworks in your mouth. the mixture of smooth peanut butter cuts the heat of the chili just right every time. and my theory is that the longer you toast, the harder the bread becomes, thus making it a perfect tool to scoop up the chili. leave your spoons in the drawer, people! so after making a pot a few nights back, i invited my roommate to have a bowl full and, while he graciously accepted, i told him that a toasted peanut butter sandwich sidekick was imperative. he agreed, not knowing what he was in for. when i heard him yell from the living room "wow! this IS good!" i may have smiled to myself, knowing that i had just converted yet another person into a "chili and peanut butter sandwich combo" eater. so here it is, the easiest chili recipe on the planet. and you BETTER enjoy it with a big gooey toasted peanut butter sandwich. 

you can probably find 50 easy chili recipes all over the internet, but this is what i made and within hours, i scraped the pot clean. that being said... you might want to double the recipe. this only produces maybe... 6 bowls? 
2 1/2 tablespoons chili powder 
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
2 cans diced tomatoes 
1 clove of garlic
1 can tomato sauce 
1 can chili beans 
1 can kidney beans
my mom has always been a "dash and pinch" kind of woman in the kitchen. she's very gifted. her kid, unfortunately, did not get those genes. i need measurements and directions and these are pretty simple.

in a shallow skillet, brown your ground beef. drain it. 
in a large pot, mix all ingredients, including your ground beef. 

the key is to let that stuff simmer for a while and don't be impatient. so if you have a craving for chili immediately, this recipe isn't for you. but if you can throw it on the stove for a few hours so it can soak up its own glory, you're good to go. once you're ready to serve, toast your favorite kind of bread (i go with good ol' white and it's delicious) then smear it with creamy peanut butter. 

dip your sandwich and repeat until you're too stuffed to move off the couch until spring. 

the day i found a box of vinyls

Posted on: 9.20.2016

don't ever let someone tell you that fast food is bad. because i'm here to tell you my friends that last week, during my weekly trip to my local taco bell, i spotted a box in the parking lot. i had Bronson in the car and asked him (don't you talk to your dog when you're driving with them in the car?) "Bronson, what if that box is full of puppies or kittens?" well, it wasn't… but as we crept up to the mystery box, we found the next best thing one can find deserted in a parking lot: VINYL RECORDS! a box full of them, over a hundred actually. my jaw may have hit my dashboard at that very moment. i sat there while looking around at several of the parked cars in the lot and wondered 1. what the hell? and 2. is this for real? and 3. can i …like… take these home? so i slowly threw the box in the back of my car. slowly enough to make sure if anyone around was connected to the box, they had plenty of time to run up and tackle me to the ground and i sat there for a few extra minutes afterward, too. the point is, i promise, if that had belonged to someone, i would have known it. they were left there on purpose. so they smelled musty and they needed a good cleaning- and some had such bad water damage that i had to throw them out… but holy shit … there are still about 70 new to me records in my home now and i could do back tips about it. it's a life long mission growing your record collection and not a cheap goal by any means. so this box certainly didn't hurt the process. 

here's a few of my favorites i found when i went throughout the box. welcome home, Al Green! I'm sure you'll be happy living right up against the Foreigner vinyl that already resides on the shelf. 

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