our twin babies' birth story

I assume it’s hard to keep from choking back tears while any parent sits down to write about their babies’ birth story no matter what, but our case (as always) had a few extra turns and stops. It only makes sense that Andrew and I wouldn’t get a “normal” and uncomplicated experience with our twins’ birth, but trying to stay positive is all I can do right now. We’re home. Our apartment is exactly how we left it. Nothing has changed almost in creepy way. The only difference is my stomach is deflated, our dining room table is covered in paperwork, and we don’t have two babies here. Yesterday when we got home, we put away all of our bags, toothbrushes, and sat down to watch T.V. together like it was just another night. But if you’re interested in the days leading up to it, here’s our twins’ story (from what I remember) of how they got here.

I woke up last Sunday morning feeling as miserable and normal as I had for weeks previous. I needed help sitting up, I probably cried twice, and Andrew told me it would all be OK and would be over soon. We were in the middle of a very easy conversation about what we wanted to do with our Sunday. Sleep longer? Go get brunch? Go baby shopping for the millionth time? And just as we were chatting back and forth, I felt a warm sensation between my legs that I hadn’t experienced in months. It felt exactly like starting my period and I instantly got scared. I reached down and pulled my fingers up to see blood and Andrew, the most calm and level headed human, said we might as well call our doctor just to be safe. This was one of the first times he had ever suggested getting a doctor’s opinion and 5 minutes later, the on call doctor told us to come into the hospital just to be on the safe side. It’s almost comical now looking back at the weeks leading up to here. I had worked myself up to not knowing exactly how all of this going into labor stuff would work with twins and it turns out, i would never experience any of it. My water didn’t break, I’ve never felt a contraction, and it was a pretty calm 6 minute drive to the hospital. We parked in the emergency room parking lot, walked in with one little bag I had thrown together, and grabbed a wheelchair. I remember not really “needing” a wheelchair but I just wanted to be pushed. We walked onto the hospital floor and all of the lights were low. We joked that Sunday was definitely the day to come into the hospital and it felt empty and peaceful. The first thing I remember was peeing in a cup and my pee didn’t look good. You could tell it was mixed slightly with blood and the nurses and staff already seemed concerned. I didn’t.

Keeping in mind my anxiety and needing to know less than more, there were plenty of pregnancy side effects that I probably could have looked into more, including preeclampsia. I’m still not quite sure what it is except that it has to do with having high blood pressure; something that hadn't been even the slightest issue at every doctor's appointment up until this point. I remember several nurses telling me that the experience of getting a magnesium drip was not going to be fun. It was at first described as making you feel loopy, groggy and sleepy and we joked that that sounded awesome. But by the time the drip was in me, I was in hell. My face was on fire, my legs felt like they needed to keep shifting, I was bawling, I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t stop apologizing to Andrew. This was Sunday night and continued pretty much all day Monday and into the evening.

All day on Monday, several staff members came in, poked me with needles, gave me steroid shots, checked my blood pressure, and after several hours, we were told we would be staying over night again. Even writing this out, Andrew had to fill in the blanks for me, as I couldn't remember what was going on but that man never left my side and paid such close attention to what was happening, I'm forever grateful for having the best partner. My mind was a little blown away that we would be staying again but I just looked at Andrew who said it was all just to make sure everything was OK and to not worry. By Tuesday morning, my magnesium drip had been taken out, the babies heartbeats had been checked a million times, and someone came in to give me breakfast. I'll never forget that tray of French toast and bacon and I scarfed it down finally feeling a little better after the drip had finally been removed. I assumed we would be going home soon and back to our normal week. 

Several minutes later, another knock on the door and I thought it was someone coming to get my breakfast tray. Nope. It was yet another staff member in scrubs saying they were going to induce that day. I almost needed to hear it twice. We were going to induce that day. Tuesday. Tuesday, August 7th, with both of our babies being just below 34 weeks, we were going to induce and have them in just a few hours. Andrew jumped up from his chair bed he had been sleeping on and said he was nothing but excited and nervous. My doctor and midwife assured me that this was because of my health, not the babies, and that they were going to be great, just small of course. We spent the rest of our early Tuesday afternoon phoning family and honestly just trying to mentally prepare ourselves as I watched the clock hands. Andrew helped me tweeze my nose ring out and I took a hospital shower. I called my parents and could hear the hesitation in their voices from not really understanding what was going on.

After a while my doctor and midwife came into my room and I instantly felt better. My midwife has been my saint throughout this pregnancy and just seeing her face there made me feel more calm and that I was in familiar hands. They told me that due to the preeclampsia, I wasn’t able to have the anesthesia for a c section and that they would be putting me to sleep. Now, I understand how devastating that could be for some moms. They want to see the babies and hear crying and “experience” it. I on the other hand, was terrified, so the idea of going to sleep and waking up to them just being here sounded amazing to me. I was thrilled. They wheeled me back to a small room filled with moms and babies and my mom ran down the hall to catch up to us. I had told her that morning that she probably wouldn’t make it in time to see me go, but she did and I’m thankful for it. And once we got settled in to our little nook, the anesthesiologist came out to talk to us and said that my numbers had gone back to a better position and I could have a c section. It worked out for the best and Andrew was now allowed to come back and be with me. I know he would never say anything, but I could tell he was disappointed at the idea of not being back while I delivered so everything worked out beautifully. I was rolled into the OR, which was kept at a whopping 80 degrees and filled with the brightest lights I had ever seen. I was quickly made numb, flipped onto the table, and then I heard Andrew walk in and sit by my head.

The entire c section process felt like it took 10 minutes. Almost too easy. I have actual guilt on how easy their birth was. Each baby was held up to my face so I could see them and it was the most surreal feeling. They were tiny. Our first baby that came out was our son, Gibson, and then his little sister. And I made them. We made them. All of their fingers and toes and eyeballs and the most precious little noses I have ever seen in my life. Andrew said they were perfect and he was right and we even got lots of OR footage from our midwife that I am forever grateful for. It’s a little graphic but I don’t care. The babies were quickly taken away and the next several hours were a blur. Each of our parent sets came back to give us hugs and that was that. We were parents. To two beautiful babies that have a fight in front of them.

Tuesday night, we walked up to the NICU to see our babies and I still can’t put into words what it’s like staring at babies you made. But I do have to note that I was 100% sure Posey had 6 fingers on one hand and was actually a boy. I stood there and cried feeling guilty until the next day when I told Andrew who just laughed. Our babies are growing bigger and stronger everyday and I have high hopes of when they’ll be home to us. Crying hurts my c section spot, so I’m trying to keep it together, but I just can’t believe my pregnancy is over and our babies are finally here. I’m so relieved that they are in the best hands when we aren’t there and for the next several weeks, I can focus on taking care of myself, making sure everything is ready for their arrival, and pumping as much as possible. We have a long journey in front of us but we got so lucky and will never forget that. We love you Gibson Lawrence and Posey James, our perfect little miracles!