Life lately

so many apologies for the silence on here but it's been a circus life lately. This past monday, my current roomie and I emptied out our change jar and took all the money ($46) to have one final roomie lunch date before we go out separate ways. It was a bittersweet lunch, knowing how much I'll miss the guy, but I know things are going to be great for both of us. So Jon officially moved out on Wednesday and Andrew is slowly but surely moving his stuff in. It was the least I could do to give the guy the good closet for all of his shoes and watches to live and it's fun to watch the space slowly become ours. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing Jon's bathroom to make it extra clean and yummy for Andrew and all of his products (he has 3x more than I do and it's quite adorable) and as I cleaned, he painted. He's painted so much in the past few days I solemnly vow to hire someone next time. BUT the fresh white paint everywhere makes me so happy I could scream and I'm so proud of my emerald green accent wall in the new spare room (photos to come) We have new carpet coming into the bedrooms tomorrow and then, everything will be done until we tackle the kitchen reno. 

It's been a stressful transition watching all of mine and Jon's stuff get thrown into bags and boxes and trash cans but it's been therapeutic in a way. I wrote a blog post years ago about living with an X and how it works for us and what do you do with things like photos together? A shoebox full of our photos as a couple has lived quietly in that apartment for years in a modest shoebox tucked away somewhere and while there are no ill feelings toward each other, we knew the box had no home anymore. He didn't want it for his new apartment and I didn't want it here. So, we respectfully threw the box away together on Monday and it was nice. Oddly nice. But it felt good to throw them away together and know that the years have only made us stronger friends that will always be there for each other.  

Things are good right now. So good, that it scares the shit out of me sometimes to think about what I would do if I lost what I now have. I'm so happy and lucky to have fallen in love with someone that has been my best friend for years and even luckier that we are at a point where we get to create a beautiful life together in this apartment. it's uncommon for me to want someone around this much. it's unusual for me to not get bored or need my space. it's crazy how much I miss Andrew when he isn't around. I love every hair on that kid's head and can't believe how much time I wasted not realizing that we were supposed to be together. and while I have a gut feeling this space is going to be filled now with happy love and sunshine rainbows, those aren't the things that have taught me anything. we grow during the sadness, the rejection, the failures and the losses and if anyone has had any of these, it's me. 2016 had been the most forming year of my life and I learned more in it than in any previous year of my existence on this little ball of mud. I've been rejected by those I thought loved me unconditionally, I have failed at things that seemed so easy for others to accomplish, and I've lost plenty, too. But as the stupid tattoo on my arms says "you can't stand up without falling down first" (I'm soo glad I don't regret that tattoo!) It has taught me that things can always be worse, I don't have any reason to complain about anything, and someone out there is always trying to cope with more than I could ever handle. This life is beautiful and I couldn't appreciate it more.