4.19.2018

if all of pregnancy felt like the second trimester, the population would triple

in my best Janice from Friends impersonation, Oh. My. God. You guys, there are definitely still hard days here and there and some weeeeird pregnancy side effects (blood blisters on my fingers? hearing my hear beat in my ear all throughout the day? STILL hating the smells of spices/meat?) but so far this second trimester has been a dreamy wonderland compared to that haunted house of a first trimester that I will never experience again. At this point, it seems like a distant nightmare. The feelings of crippling anxiety and not wanting to leave the house just don't make sense now. I say to myself over and over what was I so afraid of?  but in the moment, it doesn't matter. It's paralyzing and no one can talk you through it. It was all on me to breathe, cry, take a bath, or just close my eyes and get through each time that my anxiety was overwhelming me. But once we hit the 12 week mark, my doctor prescribed me to an anti anxiety medication and between that and my hormones finally calming down a little bit, life is finally starting to come back into focus. Feelings of fear are being replaced with excitement and feelings of dreading to leave my bed are replaced with "hey you wanna run to Target?!" 

Today marked 18 weeks of being pregnant. We stay up Wednesday nights until midnight when our pregnancy app switches us over to the next week's size/baby update and it's lame but we love it. They are now the size of sweet potatoes with eyelashes and are learning to smell and swallow. It's 51% beautiful and amazing and 49% creepy to me still. I mean... there are people inside me. That's just weird! Our next appointment will be an intimidating one filled with checking on hearts and brains and we hope for the best results possible. So far our doctors have told us we're in great shape and everyone in there is right on track so we're just going to keep being positive and giving these babies whatever they want (last night, it was a bag of carrots and a bag of gummy worms. I'd like to think each baby has a very unique sense of appetite!) 

To celebrate the day, I figured it was time to let my maternity leggings get a break from their daily job of holding me all together and go out to find some maternity clothes. Anyone that knows me well, or not even well, knows I don't spend a bunch of money on clothes and usually I could care less what I'm wearing. I'm frugal to a point so buying clothes that will only be useful to me for a year or so was hard. But several people suggested an outlet shop nearby and I walked out with several pairs of jeans, dresses, shorts, and more.... all for $31!! I nearly hugged the cashier. I got home and showed them all to Andrew and had myself a nice little fashion show and for the first time in months, not only did I feel proud of myself, I felt good about myself. I was able to get into my car and sing along to the radio and talk to my babies and go through a drive thru for food and shop at a store all by myself without even once having to talk myself through it. A pastime I used to thoroughly enjoy of being on my own and doing my own thing has seemed daunting for so many weeks that I've lost count. and today I did it. and the reward was stuffing my sweet potatoes into new pairs of jeans and looking forward to this belly getting bigger and bigger, now that we've got the waist band ready for it! 

This pregnancy stuff isn't for everyone. and it's harder than hell to watch your body change right before your eyes. But we are so lucky to be experiencing this and I'm so proud of how far I've come on my own and how great we are doing as a team. We are almost HALF WAY DONE and I'm so excited to meet them!! and since no blog post out there is worth a damn without some photos, here's a few of my bump in our new clothes!! aren't they cute?!
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2 comments

  1. Haha, that post title cracked me up - I do remember feeling like the 2nd trimester was quite a magical time. Feeling more like yourself, but starting to feel like you've got an actual baby (or babies, in your case!) in there that you can get excited about imagining life with. You're looking fab in the new clothes - a maxi dress is a super good call for pregnancy in the summer. And as a short girl I found it handy that the bigger the belly got, the better the length of the dress worked for me :)

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  2. have a great day.

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