i think it's taken me the weekend to finally come to terms with the recent events. i don't know why but when travesties like this happen, i always become completely engrossed in them. like a car wreck. no matter how sad it makes me i always want to read more articles, learn more about the victims and hear more people speak on it. i'll youtube it all. i always take these things so personally, like in some way they affect me on a much deeper level than they should.
the night of the shootings, i laid on the floor crying. just staring up at the ceiling bawling my eyes out thinking about what had to be going through the minds of those teachers and babies. i cried because it's scary. i cried because you can't control nearly anything in your life. i cried because i doubt whether or not i would have been one of the "hero" teachers in the same situation. i cried because no one ever thinks it will be them. and i just don't know if i could go on living without my family. i held jon that night and sobbed "what if someone shows up at your work with a gun? what if you go to the bank and someone holds you hostage? what if? what if? what if?" he's a much more rational thinker than myself, thank god, and he always tries to calm me down and bring me back down to earth. that's definitely one of things that made fall in love with him. while i'm thinking crazy thoughts, jon is mr. real.
all you can do is love the people in your life and appreciate every day you have. don't let fights go unsettled. jon and i are both hard headed creatures that love to be right and i need to learn that being wrong is ok. ending an argument and letting myself admit fault is ok, too. there's no winner and no loser. what if something were to happen to him before i had a chance to tell him "hey, i know i was wrong the other day. i'm sorry. i love you" ugh. i can't stand the thought of unfinished. this news was hard. hard on everyone. and i pray for the families involved. i only hope it can teach us all to stay close to the people we love and cherish them.
the night of the shootings, i laid on the floor crying. just staring up at the ceiling bawling my eyes out thinking about what had to be going through the minds of those teachers and babies. i cried because it's scary. i cried because you can't control nearly anything in your life. i cried because i doubt whether or not i would have been one of the "hero" teachers in the same situation. i cried because no one ever thinks it will be them. and i just don't know if i could go on living without my family. i held jon that night and sobbed "what if someone shows up at your work with a gun? what if you go to the bank and someone holds you hostage? what if? what if? what if?" he's a much more rational thinker than myself, thank god, and he always tries to calm me down and bring me back down to earth. that's definitely one of things that made fall in love with him. while i'm thinking crazy thoughts, jon is mr. real.
all you can do is love the people in your life and appreciate every day you have. don't let fights go unsettled. jon and i are both hard headed creatures that love to be right and i need to learn that being wrong is ok. ending an argument and letting myself admit fault is ok, too. there's no winner and no loser. what if something were to happen to him before i had a chance to tell him "hey, i know i was wrong the other day. i'm sorry. i love you" ugh. i can't stand the thought of unfinished. this news was hard. hard on everyone. and i pray for the families involved. i only hope it can teach us all to stay close to the people we love and cherish them.
I am the same way. I have two kids around the same age, and I can't even begin to imagine what those families are going through. But I picture similar events playing out in my mind and wonder what I would do, or how I would react. Your right, life is short, and we need to cherish the one's we love and live each day to the fullest. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteit's affected me in much the same way, too. the dynamic across the country seems to be different this time. i hope everyone's feelings about it are finally turned into something constructive.
ReplyDeleteoh! ps. i am no longer on instagram. i joined an app called EyeEm, if you want to look me up there. just fyi. :]
ReplyDeleteAgreed on everything! These events broke my heart. It's so perplexing how someone can get to that point in their life where hurting innocent people is acceptable. I'll never understand it.
ReplyDelete